What She Meant by Forever
by Never Once
Summary: No Matter How Much It Hurts split up into chapters and slightly altered. What happens when the Evil Queen/Regina's daughter, Ivy, comes back to her  in Storybrooke and the Enchanted Forest . Spoiler for Episode 7
1. Chapter 1

No Matter How Much It Hurts

TheEvilQueen

Chapter One

No one knows I exist- not in my part of the Enchanted Forest. Well, perhaps they know I exist, but certainly not as _her _daughter. If anyone knows of me in other parts of the Enchanted Forest, it's because they've seen me with my 'mother', Maleficent, who 'adopted' me when her pet couldn't make her happy. Of course no one knows from whom. I do, of course. I've known since I looked in that mirror and saw the tumbling black curls and deep brown eyes. The Evil Queen-if she has a name, no one dares say it-is my true mother. The Huntsman, the traitor and liar that he was, is my father. Maleficent is the idiot around me-playing the role of mother, telling me nothing more than I was adopted. She thought I couldn't guess? She thought I wouldn't know? I'm a child to her, of 'nothing but fourteen years'. My spirit is as strong as hers, my evil as powerful as my mothers, my hatred as deep as the Dark Curse itself. Maleficent is the biggest fool of them all and I despise her with everything I am. She knows this; at least she is not a fool there. Her heart, what a fool she is to posses one, will break when she comes to my bedchamber at dawn. I will be gone. She will know where to go, whom to fight. But that is no problem of mine. Mother can defeat her; crush her as easily as a fly. Maybe then Maleficent the Stupid will see her foolishness-that heart of hers. Oh, how I hate it.

It takes only one knock. My knuckles meeting it once makes the strong, deep echo throughout the entire castle, as if I have caused a great waterfall to tumble a thousand times stronger. The knights I have always seen around her come to the door.

"You were not called upon." He says, like I am a meager beggar or the village fool.

"She knows who I am."

"She does not want to see Maleficent. Go." He starts to shut the door, but it takes one step for me to be inside, pulling my cape behind me. "I said go!" He draws a knife, so well cleaned it is reflective as a mirror.

I laugh and it causes him to falter. It is the laugh of his mistress, who I know is merely upstairs in her black gowns, plotting her revenge against that blasted Snow White.

"Who are you?" He asks, as if he has not seen me come with Maleficent once a year on the eve of my birthday.

"A friend. Admit me to her."

"She does not wish for company."

My eyes go as cold as hers. "Take me to her." It drips with the coldest ice, the sensation only his mistress can give.

He stammers, stupid fool. "Of-of course."

"I said I don't want company." Her back is to us; she is seated at a desk, having paused in her writing. Her voice echoes, filled with annoyance and ice. If he is killed for admitting me, so be it. A lowly guard is none of my concern.

"My queen." I say, before a response can come from his lips. It is filled with ice, but not completely. It has only the slightest hint, enough for her to turn and set her eyes upon me, the girl she knows is hers.

"I do not wish to see Maleficent." She keeps looking at me, her eyes threatening to glare into my soul, down to the heart she thinks I have.

"I'm not here with that heart filled fool."

She smiles-she always knew her blood ran in my veins. "Excuse us." The guards leave in a hurry. Her smiles are always cold, but this has the slightest warmth, something they will never see again. "Sit down dear. I believe this has been a long time coming."

She sits on an elegant chaise in front of a fire. Her dress is long and black with a high collar covered in diamonds. It sweeps the floor and has long sleeves that end at the tips of her pinkies, dripping with more diamonds. The bottom is open, her legs covered by a blood red skirt. Her hair, the midnight black that I inherited, is kept up high in a ponytail that then spills down, over her chest, ending right above her stomach. Her eyes are the deep, cruel brown I also have. Only a fool would think we weren't related.

"Are you thirsty?" She claps her hands as I sit too, but not at all where she thought. The end of the chaise, where her legs are resting, is where I decide to make myself comfortable. With a flash of icy eyes, she lets me sit down there.

"One drink my dear?" Her father stands in the doorway, his old wrinkled face surprised at the sight of me. Perhaps he never knew. Perhaps he knows everything.

"Two." She says this with no ice, but no warmth either. I'm just learning to control my voice as she does. "Now dear." She turns to me again, now that we are alone. "Tell me why you're here."

I have a straight back; my black cloak still covers my forest green dress with its light gold embroidery. She would not be as welcoming if I were to show any color on my person. "You know in full why I'm here. Mother." The last word is dripping with ice, the most ice I have learned to give my words.

She blinks slowly, as if she is considering not opening her eyes again. Her face has formed an expression of deep disgust. "She told you." Her voice and eyes have re-welcomed her icy soul.

"Of course not." I scoff, as if such a thing were obvious. This startles her, makes her falter for just a moment. Which of course she hates doing.

"Don't mock me!" She stands, whipping the blackness behind her, the hatred boiling up through her voice and eyes. A breeze makes the fire go out and a chill enters the room. "I'm not a fool Dusyanta."

I laugh, as if she is humorous. She pauses; again I have caught her off guard. My laugh is so much like hers, she didn't expect it. "I _know _my real name isn't Dusyanta. It means 'destroying evil'. And I _certainly_ wouldn't destroy myself." I flash her a cold smile. "Or you."

This makes her calm and she sits again, leaving the end of the chaise for me. "So how did you know? Your real name and who you came from."

"I'm not a child. I own a mirror, I have working eyes. It took a minute, nothing more. My hair is midnight; my eyes are cruel and brown. I'm undeniably your daughter."

She smiles, icy yet warm. "Of course you're not a child. Tell me, what's your real name?"

"_That_ I do not know for sure, I simply know that for a fact Dusyanta does not suit me. I'm a daughter of evil itself. Only a fool with a heart would give me a name that means destroying evil."

She pauses for a moment. "I named you Ivy. It's the only plant without a heart-it doesn't care where is grows, if it kills another plant or makes a house crumble. I knew it would suit you."

"You let Maleficent rename me."

"I didn't know until your second birthday, when you responded to that horrible name. I almost made her give you back."

I raise an eyebrow and reach for the thin, tall glass of wine from her father's tray. She speaks openly in front of him. He knows everything. "Why didn't you want me back?"

She laughs and looks at the ceiling, then back at me with wide eyes that are supposed to hold emotion. "Ivy, this kingdom is almost mine. Snow White is off in the woods, everyone believing her dead. I'm their queen now, they have no one else. Unless, of course, they decided to overthrow me because I was whore. Do you know what that is?" She eyes harden. "It's a woman who sleeps with anyone and everyone. Her bed is never still and never empty. And for me, to bear a child, with no husband and the only man known to enter here was nothing but a Huntsman-the title would mark me instantly."

My eyes go just as cold as hers. "I was nothing but an accident. The daughter of a lonely huntsman you never wanted. Why didn't you just kill me?"

She laughs, as if I've said something humorous. "Of course I wanted you. But I wouldn't raise you with the title of whore and homeless. You deserved better-much better. Maleficent wanted something new to make her happy after Aurora defeated her and I killed her stupid pet. A baby seemed good enough. No one was surprised. These people are now in my grip-whatever power they thought they had is completely gone. I can claim you as mine and no one will rise, no one will rumor, no horrible titles will be thrown. And now that you've chosen to release yourself from Maleficent and have come to me, I can claim your blood."

I smile, warmth filling it. "And I will claim yours. And then," I turn icy. "We can work on destroying Snow White. Together."

She laughs and hugs me. "Of course. What else would we do?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

The woman has blonde curls and blue eyes, with a girl the exact opposite behind her. She drives straight through down without a glance, right to the mayors house.

"Get out Anna." She parks right outside the large white house. "She'll remember you."

They go up to the door together, the woman happy, the girl completely emotionless. One knock on the door and Regina's there, running her eyes up and down the woman and a smile breaking onto her face. "Mia Hart. It's been so long. And this is," Her eyes turn to the girl, "Anna, if I remember correctly?"

The girl's eyes are cold and scan this woman, wearing a gray dress and black heels, her lipstick dark pink. Not red. Wrong about that. "That's what _she _named me."

Both women laugh and the girl remains silent, arms crossed. "Come in. Henry's at school, but I'm sure he'll be happy to see you. Are you staying at Granny's?"

Mia bites her lip and shakes her head. "No, I was going to ask to stay here. It's much more-elegant. And I was hoping to talk to you. Privately."

Regina's eyes immediately go cold. "Is the girl included in this?"

"It's about Anna."

"I told you how much I hate that name Mia."

"Well, _I _adopted her." The mayor grabs Mia by the wrist, leads her into the living room and forces her to sit on the white couch. Anna follows, still unhappy.

Regina sits in the black leather chair across from them. "Why are you here? I took special precautions in making sure your memory wasn't-"

"Erased. I know. I wasn't even planning on coming; I was planning on following the deal. _Anna_ had different plans. I found her in my car this morning with a suitcase and a map to Storybooke, Maine." Both women take a minute to glare at each other.

It's the girl who breaks the silence. "I know I'm you're daughter. And I know my name's not Anna."

They both turn to her, cold eyed Regina and startled Mia. "How?" They ask it simultaneously.

"_Look _at us Mia. Our hair, our eyes. It's the exact same. And _she _wouldn't have named me Anna. _You _did." They look at each other. "You swear you didn't tell her?"

"Of course! All I told her was that she was adopted. I don't know how she guessed the name thing or who you were."

"It was easy." She interrupts them coldly. "I have a picture of when I was born. She had my eyes. And my hair. And my _smile_. I knew her name, you'd written it on the back. _And _my real name." Regina decides to test this.

"Who's your father?" "Graham Homer. My curls are his, though you can't see them right now. I saw him when we drove in. Mia told me he's the sheriff. You fooled around with him fourteen years ago? How old were you?"

She stiffens, but answers truthfully. "Nineteen. He was going to a law enforcement school a few streets over from my politician's school. It just happened." She's staring at the floor and Mia's eyebrows have reached her hairline. "He talked me out of abortion."

They look at each other then-mother to daughter. Regina with short, coarse black hair and cold brown eyes. The girl with a slicked back pony tail of matching black and equally cold eyes. No one could deny the resemblance. "So you know what your real name is?"

The girl smiles coldly. "Of course. The only plant without a heart. Ivy."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Regina went to bed early, told Mia and Henry and Anna/Ivy goodnight by eight. She couldn't think straight, not after what the girl said today. It _was _obvious. Their hair matched, their eyes matched, so did their smiles. Her hair was slick with gel or something now, but apparently she had Grahams curls. This was bad. Very, very bad. The curse hadn't affected her; the Evil Queen had sought Rumplestiltskin again, to request that Maleficent and Ivy be left out. And now, she was beginning to wonder if her choice had been right. Mia knew, but was smart about it. Anna/Ivy, she'd been a complete loud mouth about it. But the girl had sought her out, like Regina remembered. The girl was evil. She was here to help her keep the curse alive, keep away the happy endings, keep Snow White and Prince Charming apart.

She lay in her bed, her mind turning over the day, when Mia cracked the door open, shut it and hopped on the bed like they were children. "I know you're mad at me for bringing her. But its not like I could let her drive across the state alone, with no license and no cash. She hadn't even bothered saving her money for a bus ticket."

Regina turned over. She didn't want to hear it. "Go away."

"Don't be like this. She knows you're her mother now and she won't let you deny it. And she won't leave."

Regina whirled back over. "What? You're only visiting. Right?"

She sighed. "I know you need a new police depute. If I remember correctly, you're going to kill Graham within a few days. Fire Emma, hire me and then when he's gone-"

"You're _not _staying here Mia. You or Ivy."

"_Anna_." She sat up, anger pulsing through her. "Her names Ivy. I gave birth to her, named her that and asked you to honor it. Then you can squawking around twelve years ago, called her Anna and she responded. She's not your daughter Male-Mia."

There was nothing but a frozen chill in Mia's eyes. "Its not like you're her mother either Regina. You gave her to me so the people would keep you, so they wouldn't think you had sex with every man who wanted to-"

You could barely see it, the hand flying through the air. Regina's hand met Mia's face with a harsh, cruel crack. "You shut up Maleficent. I'm not a whore and you know it. Get out."

Mia blinked then softly felt her stinging cheek, the red mark going from her cheekbone to her chin. "I never said you were anything like that Regina."

The room was quiet after she left, but it was too early to sleep. She could hear Henry going to bed, then Ivy and finally Mia. Every so often she looked at the clock and when she finally heard the last door shut, she picked up the phone.

"Graham?" It was nothing more than a breath. "I need you here. I'll be at the door. But we have to be quiet. I have guests."

"Of course Regina. It'll take me a minute to get there, but nothing more. I promise."

She put on the gray dress she'd been wearing that day, but no shoes. Slipping through the dark house, she waited at the door, then pulled him inside and up the stairs. She waited till they were in the bedroom, all lights off, to acknowledge him.

"Our daughter," She breathed, "Came back." She fell crying onto the bed. "She looks exactly like me Graham. We have the same _smile_. I'm ruined."

He sat down calmly and took her in his arms, hugged her close and kissed her hair. "It'll be okay. They're not staying for long."

"But they _are_." The tears were streaming out of her eyes. "Mia wants a job and Ivy won't leave. What do I do?" She was close to sobbing now, clinging to his shirt, her whole body shaking. This was a disaster.

"Regina, calm down. Ivy won't want to live here forever, she used to a bigger city than this. She'll see you and Henry and give it up. Mia will make her come back home. _Everything _will be okay." He kissed her gently on the mouth, her head cradled against his shoulder.

They make love for several hours, then fall asleep with Graham's arms around her. The worry has left her body, she's exhausted. The whole town is silent around them, enveloped in blackness and sleep. Graham shoots up beside her in bed.

"I just had, the strangest dream." He's covered in sweat and panting. "I was hunting in the woods and I shot a deer. And there was a wolf." Regina sits up next to him, alarmed. "One of its eyes was blood red, the other, black as night." He's searching his mind now.

"It was just a dream Graham." She smoothes the hair above his ear. "Go back to sleep."

He shakes his head, still panting and looks at her with alarm and worry. "But it didn't feel like a dream." He gulps down air. "It felt like a memory."

Anger pulses through her body, with keen worry and something almost like fear. Her blood is boiling hot; she can barely control herself. He lurches from the bed, putting on shoes and pants, claiming he needs air.

"Graham, you're probably still drunk. This is nonsense, just come back to bed." She smiles gently, sweetly, drains the worry from her face.

"I just need some air. And why do you care now if I stay?" He leaves almost angrily, the bed empty and her feeling slightly worried, annoyed and dreadfully alone.


	4. Chapter 4

No Matter How Much It Hurts

TheEvilQueen

Chapter Four

Breakfast is silent between Mia and Regina. Ivy is dressed in a long sleeved black t-shirt, black jeans and black Converse with white laces. Her hair has been released from its ponytail and is now in perfectly formed curls around her face. There's no color on her whatsoever. Henry asks what its like in Augusta, the state capital, where they live. The morning blurs by. Soon, Ivy is 'taking a walk', Henry's at school and Mia is alone again with Regina. They look at each other coldly, daring the other to speak first.

"I never said you were a whore Regina. And I know you're not one."

She lifted her cold brown eyes slowly. "_They _don't know that. I want you and Ivy to leave by the end of the week. Graham will have to hire you as depute and he's not planning on doing that. I kept you out of the curse, so I want you to keep out of Storybrooke. If the girl comes back, I'll give her money for the bus and send her home. Neither of you are staying." She stands abruptly. "And that's final."

"Regina, we're friends. Ivy wants to get to know you as her mother. She'll come back a hundred times and in four years, when she's eighteen, she'll move here. She won't let this go. She hates me, but in her mind you're exactly who she wants. You'll have to find another way to deal with this instead of sending her back every time."

"_You _find a better way Mia. Ground her, take her cell phone, don't let her get her license. _Something_. Just keep her out of here. I was never meant to be her mother. Henry's already trying to leave and he's ten. A fourteen year old is the last thing I need." That evening, Regina goes to her father's grave, the only place she can think. Her best tie to the Enchanted Forest. About every Wednesday she does this, for sanity, to look like she grieves him and to be closer to the evilness inside her. But the door is kicked open, Emma and Graham inside, pulling on jars, searching the walls. "What are you doing?" They turn around and immediately come out. Graham starts rambling about how it's his fault, to leave Emma out of it. He looks feverish, hot and sweaty, even though it's cold enough for coats and drizzling. "You don't look well dear." Forgetting her father, she takes Graham by the hand. "You need to come home."

He rips away. "I-I don't want to go home. Not with you."

The hottest anger swells inside her, the Evil Queen screaming to get out. "But you'll go home with her." She motions with the white lilies towards Emma.

"Hey." The blonde immediately gets defensive. "This is between you two. Leave me out of it."

"Regina, I've just realized that I don't feel anything and-I don't like it. Whatever we were, it's over. _Nothing _is better that what we have." The tears well up in her eyes. "Regina, I have to give myself a chance. We're over."

The purest hate boils through her blood, through every inch of her body. Towards that horrible blonde. That _Emma_. "I don't know what I ever did to you, Ms. Swan. You seem determine to take _everything _from me, _everything_ I hold dear."

"No offense, Madame Mayor. But have you ever thought that maybe I'm not the problem here. _Henry _found _me_. _Graham _kissed _me_. Maybe, before you blame everyone else, you should take a good hard look in the mirror and wonder why everyone seems to be running away from _you_."

It takes a second for Regina to swing a cold, hard fist into Emma's eye, knocking her over, collapsing on top of Graham. She immediately gets up and punches Regina in the mouth, who turns around with the pain, but Emma grabs her and smashes her against the stonewall. Kicking, Graham drags her off.

"Not worth it."

The blonde trudges off and Regina takes a step towards Graham. "Graham-"

"No." He shakes his head and goes after Emma, leaving her with nothing but damaged flowers and a broken heart.

She waits till they leave, till she's seen them both drive back to the police station and when no one else is around. Going back, she shuts the door and places the flowers on his stone coffin. Then, pushing and grunting, her hidden staircase is revealed and she goes down it with a small smile of satisfaction. It's been so long since she's been down here. Walking over to her vault, she finds the box for the huntsman's heart. She holds the beating red object in her hand, tears threatening to come back to her eyes. Should she really do this? Is this really what she wants? Ivy will ask . . . she pushes all thoughts out of her head. She's not merciful, not kind, not loving. Squeezing harder and harder, she feels the power surge through her until the heart is crumbling and then she is dropping the brown dust on the floor, watery eyed and alone once more.


	5. Chapter 5

No Matter How Much It Hurts

TheEvilQueen

Chapter Five

She doesn't have a chamber ready for me, but promises to have one made proper for a princess. Of course there are always Snow White's rooms, but they are white and light, made for someone with a heart. Just as we discuss where I will stay, hard angry knocks rumble up from the door.

"Oh dear." She rolls hers eyes. "That should be Maleficent."

I smile slyly. "I'll wait to leave. Her reaction to this I _must _see."

"Where's my daughter?" Maleficent is storming up the stairs, her traveling cape still around her shoulders. "Dusyanta, you're coming home right now." She reaches for my wrist but I flick it away. Her angry eyes go from me to the Evil Queen. "How could you? You promised she was mine, that you'd never take her back. You liar." She seems to growl under her breath.

"She's _my _daughter now dear. She came to me. And she knows her real name."

"I renamed her at a ceremony. You gave birth to her in my palace, told me what you wished her to be named and left her to me. You never said I must honor your wish."

Her hand swings lightening fast so that she is gripping Maleficent's throat hard. "I meant it though. I meant every word." Her grip tightens. "Do you want to be part of the curse?" She shakes her head 'no'. "Then I suggest you leave her here with me!" She lets go with a shove, sprawling my adoptive mother on the floor. "Guards!"

They come and drag her away, pitifully looking back at me. I don't even bother looking away. What little compassion I had inside me has long been dead. She turns back to me, my blood mother of evil. Scanning me, she gives one brisk nod and takes the dark wine her father's been offering. She holds the long, clear glass goblet up to her lips and drinks it down in gulps, until half the liquid is gone.

"Now that we've settled that, you must know that I've changed my mind about showing you off. Maleficent has all the power to come and threaten the people into believing I'm a whore, until she helps them overtake me. You are to remain as secret as possible. Only my father and Maleficent know whom you truly came from. I'll have a guard escort you to some rooms. They'll have to do, I won't have any nosy craftsman coming in to change them."

I nod, finish my own wine and follow the guards that appear. The bedchamber is well enough. The blankets are of the softest black bear fur and the pillows embroidered with a dark gold. Everything is of the darkest wood, the darkest colors. I peer inside the wardrobe and find midnight black, deep emerald, dark sapphire and blood red dresses.

"I thought you wouldn't want only black. I find myself in need of some red now and again." Her voice echoes from the doorway and the guards disperse instantly. "Do you like them?"

I run my hand along the dark fabrics, seeing the detailing of black feathers on the blue dresses, topaz jewels with the green, silver embroidery on the black and white ruffles on the red. There is one cloak of pure black midnight, a red ruby where it will link the hood around my throat and another of soft gray, completely plain.

"They're beautiful." I breathe. "Maleficent gave me violet purple and sky blue." I shiver. "It was revolting. I insisted on dresses like these." I reveal the forest green of my dress. "It was the darkest she would allow."

"She's always been a fool Ivy. Best not to speak of her anymore."

I smile coldly. "Of course Mother."

I see the point quickly, into why she never thought she could raise me, even if scandal hadn't been such a threat. The meals are silent, neither of us bothering to speak. She has a small smile when she leaves without a goodnight-I'm an unsocial creature, content to be locked away. But I won't be locked in boredom.

"Mother!" I flee from the dining room after her; she stops in the hallway, slightly disgusted that I called her such a name openly. "If I am to stay here secretly, I want you to teach me how to use my dark magic."

She cocks an eyebrow and smiles coldly. "So you inherited my gift? Wonderful. I'll start teaching you tomorrow." She turns and walks away, then pauses again and looks back over her shoulder. "Ivy, you're to call me 'Queen' unless we are in private. No one knows."

I curtsy. "Of course-my queen." A smile curls the corner of my lips and she mirrors me with a smile of her own.


	6. Chapter 6

No Matter How Much It Hurts

TheEvilQueen

Chapter Six

She's mine. She's actually mine. I see her in my doorway, leaning against the white doorframe in her pure black. "What do you want?" I snap, angry with her for interrupting my work.

"We need to talk." She folds her legs under her in the seat across from my desk.

"There's nothing to talk about." I write on, not bothering to look at her. She has to understand that I won't let her stay.

"There's plenty to talk about. I know you killed him."

I look up immediately, my eyes cold, but worried. "You don't know a thing. You didn't even meet him."

Her eyes are cold enough to match mine, something no one else can do. "Of course I didn't. You decided to kill him before I even could. Oh well." She shrugs it off, as if the death of her father means nothing. "_We _can still talk."

"No." I look back down, writing more, ignoring her the best I can.

"_Yes_. You know exactly how this ends- I'm going to come live here, either with you or when I'm an adult." I stay silent. "Henry knows."

I look up again. "He doesn't know a thing."

She laughs to mock me. I feel like slapping her. "He owns the book doesn't he? He's read every word. He knows I came from you and that in the story I learned your evil magic to help you defeat Snow White. He _knows_."

I shudder. How could she do this to me? This girl who thinks she knows everything, who decides to come from nowhere back to me, when I _clearly _gave her up for a reason. "I don't care if he knows Ivy, he's not a gossip and no one believes him about the book. You're not staying and if you come back when you're eighteen, I'll have a restraining order issued, one that keeps you out of Storybrooke. For _forever_."

She blinks at me in disbelief. Now she knows that she shouldn't want me. Now she understands why both Henry and Graham have run away, why they both want that stupid Emma, not me. But she doesn't move, doesn't cry, doesn't beg for me not to do that.

"You're still my mother."

"Mia is a much better mother than I am."

She shakes her head. "She's horrible. She always wants to love me, always thinks she needs to be 'involved'. She's in the PTA and asks me everyday about school and clubs and friends and guys. I don't want that. I want _you_."

I look at her, not understanding. Doesn't every child want a parent who cares? Isn't that exactly what Henry thinks Emma will do- join the PTA and always want to know about him? Why is she running away from the ideal life? I glance at her one last time before writing more.

"You should be happy with that Ivy."

"But I'm _not_."

"That's not my problem. When you graduate you can go to some big university across the country and never go back to her. But you're _not _coming here. You don't want to."

"But I _do_."

I put the pen down, tired of fighting her. "Ivy, what you just described is exactly what everyone wants. It's why Henry is running away and why you _don't _want me as a mother. I won't talk to you at dinner, I won't make your favorite lunch and I won't care if you're dating the biggest jerk in the entire high school. That's exactly the opposite of everything you have."

"It's exactly what I want though!" She says enthusiastically. "I want to be free of all that stupid, stupid _love_. You're my birth mother, that's why I'm running to you. But if Mia was my birth mom, I'd just run to the streets. I'd get tattoos and smoke pot and be a prostitute for money. And she _knows _that. It's either I keep coming to you, or I destroy myself on the streets. Mia would kill you if I died because you wouldn't take me."

I look her up and down, noticing how our skin colors almost match, our eyes match and our hair is the exact same. She's beautiful for such a young teenager. I close my eyes for a minute, imagining what she just described. Tattoos of skulls, hearts and snakes decorating her flawless arms. Her face appearing older because of all the drugs. The sexy clothes because she's nothing but a street prostitute. I open my eyes with a newfound fear for my daughter.

"Ivy, I won't let you do that."

She smirks successfully. "Then you'll let me stay."

"No, you're staying with Mia."

"No, I'm staying with you."

In a flash I'm around my desk and gripping her harshly by the shoulders. "Ivy, you're staying with Mia until you're eighteen. You will _not _throw yourself on the streets and you will _not _appear on my doorstep every other week." I squeeze her shoulders harder. "Do you understand me?"

She's shaking, tears threatening to leak out of her eyes. I let go and she drops into the chair, looking up at me with newly formed fear. Reaching into her jean pocket, she takes out an old photograph, folded and refolded many times, the edges no longer smooth.

"Take it." Then she jumps from the seat and darts from the room.

I sit were she was, unfold it slowly. A picture of me, nineteen, in a hospital gown, sweaty but smiling. In my arms is a pink blanket, thick to keep my baby warm. I'm not even looking at the camera, just beaming down at my tiny little girl. Mia took it, I remember. On the back of the photograph are a date and two small messages.

_Ivy Mills_

_Born May 26, 1997 _

_Daughter of Regina Mills and Graham Homer _

_My dearest daughter- you deserved a better life than me. Mia will take care of you. Take this with love: never come back to me- Regina _

I blink away tears, remembering how I wrote the message on a piece of paper, making Mia promise to write it when the photo was printed. Under my message, though, is one newly written.

_Dearest mother- you are the best life I could have asked for. I will always come back- Ivy _

Several tears fall out of my eyes. I should have known that she'd also inherit how rebellious I am, how even if told never to do something, I'll still do it. I fold up the picture and slip it into my own pocket. Mia and Ivy are right, of course. The girl will always come back, no matter what we do. I remember the Enchanted Forest easily, how Ivy never left. Of course, she didn't have life threatening streets to run onto then. I jump from my chair and dart to her room. The only things missing are the black leather jacket she came in, hiking boots and a black ski cap, which I remember telling her not to wear at breakfast. A note is pinned to a pillow.

_It was either the streets or you. Keep the picture. You won't see me to give it back. Or if you do, I'll be in a casket. I want to be buried near your father, my grandfather, Henry, in my sapphire blue homecoming dress, Mia knows which one. Leave my hair in curls. Don't bother with make up or shoes. On my birthday and death day bring a dozen red roses to my grave. _

_Your daughter, Ivy _

I sit on the edge of her bed crying. Mia finds me and all I do is shove the note in her hand. Within minutes she's calling the police, yelling at Emma about road stops and search parties and notifying neighboring towns. When she finally hangs up and takes me into her arms, I sob into her shoulder, her being the only one I have left.


	7. Chapter 7

No Matter How Much It Hurts

TheEvilQueen

Chapter Seven

"Come." Mother is marching me through the dripping caverns, to a place no one dares go. The cell of Rumplestiltskin. Perhaps it is the Dark Curse and she wants me to learn how to use it with her.

As customary, she wears a black dress, one that drags on the floor with red feathers and is low cut so the tops of her breasts bulge out. It has no skirt, but she wears smooth leather pants and heeled black boots. Her hair is in the tall ponytail that waterfalls over her chest. I am wearing a soft gray cape around my dark sapphire dress, pinned all over with black feathers. My short black curls have been made perfect around my face. We halt abruptly at his cell and he laughs like a madman, jumping from a seat to the bars holding him prisoner.

"So, you came at last?" He grips the bars and his metallic, ugly face shines in the firelight. "Where is my promise?"

"Right here." Her voice is dripping with ice and filled with stone as she grabs my arm and throws me in front of her so that I stumble, kneeling in front of his cage.

"Mother?" I turn and look at her, standing to dust myself off, when he grabs my throat and turns me around, so that I am forced to look at only her, evil smile and eyes gleaming in the light.

"I promised him my firstborn." She says airily, as if I'm something she can pawn away, as if I haven't been learning the black magic she herself taught me.

"For what?" I spit, glaring at her, for the first time hating my mother.

"To extract you and Maleficent from the Curse. In the new land, you will have your memories." She takes a taunting step closer to me so that as he holds my throat from behind, her face is mere inches from mine.

I punch her then, the black pearl and sapphire ring I have on my finger drawing rich red blood from her cheek as she stumbles slightly. She puts a hand to her cheek, the blood rubbing off on her fingers. She jumps at me then, like an animal, trying to claw me as he holds me there. I turn my face so she strikes the side of my cheek, ripping skin off with her nails. I shudder in pain and behind me, the madman laughs and holds me tighter, so that I cannot breath. I pretend to black out and he lets me fall to the wet, dirty floor.

She leans over beside me, puts two fingers to my neck to feel a pulse. I have none for I have no heart. Taking this as I sign that I'm dead, she puts a hand into my chest and tries to pull out my heart. Not finding one, she falls to her knees beside me.

"Ivy, where is your heart?" She grabs me by the shoulders and shakes me hard, but I remain limp. "Where is your heart?" She drops me and I crumble into her lap. She slides me off of her legs and stands, gripping the bars of Rumple's cage and sticking her face inside. "You said I could pay with my firstborn." She hisses. "You said that all you wanted was one night with her, that I could keep her heart. So where is it?" She shakes the bars like a madwoman.

He laughs, gleeful. "She hid her heart long ago, where no one would find it. The girl is still mine and if you can find her heart, you can keep it."

"The girl isn't yours." She spits back. "She's dead, you chocked her."

His hand flies through the bars and grips her roughly by the neck. "Then I'll take _you_. One night." He holds up the index finger of his free hand. "I'll release you at dawn and you can go home and release that Curse."

She pushes away, stepping where he can't reach her. "Never."

"Then Ivy and Maleficent will suffer with the rest of them!" He roars angrily. "They will never have a happy ending!" He reaches a hand out of the bars towards my mother, towards her throat and breasts. "Unless, of course, you oblige me."

She takes a step back to the bars. "What must I do?"

He runs a hand from the base of her throat, down between her breasts and stops at where her heart should be. She closes her eyes, looking as though she's about to cry as his hand slides down to her hip. In a barely audible whisper, he says, "_Love me_."

I jump from the floor, my curls flying into my eyes as I run to Rumplestiltskin, my dagger drawn, and slice the air right when he draws his hand away from her. "She'll do nothing of the kind." I growl and she grabs me, hugging me to her chest.

"Oh, my dear, you're not dead."

I push away from her. "You _sold _me to him? Couldn't you guess what he'd do to me?" I search her eyes, but she won't look at me.

"It was for the best Ivy."

I push her roughly towards the wall. "Of course it wasn't! You promised him a night with me, so I could sleep with him? You think I'd do that?"

She takes a step towards me, but I use my dark magic now and shove her against the wall, my outstretched palm pushing the air against her. I glare at her, hatred filling my soul.

"I would _never _do that with him!" I stop pushing and she slumps to the floor, gasping for breath. I run to her, lifting her chin like she is the girl and I am the woman. "You are a stupid fool if you ever thought I'd oblige him."

She glares at me, but her eyes are watering. "I needed you to stay out of the Curse. You had to keep your memories."

I envelope her in my arms and she hugs me back, rising to her feet. Perhaps she is capable of love. Maybe it is somewhere, deeply hidden in her soul. But before I finish contemplating the possibility of a little goodness in her, she throws me through the bars so I land on my side in his cell.

"I'm not a fool Ivy. I knew you wouldn't. So I knew I'd have to make you." She turns with a whip of the back of her dress and marches around the corner.

His eyes are hungry and he reaches for me, for my throat and my breasts. I shiver and try to crawl backwards.

"You are _mine _now little raven. For the whole night you are _mine_."


	8. Chapter 8

No Matter How Much It Hurts

TheEvilQueen

Chapter Eight

The search parties bring back nothing. Neither do the roadblocks. Mia goes down to Granny's and puts up a quickly printed 'Missing' sign with Ivy's picture and Mia's cell phone number. I stay in her room, running my fingers over her things, re-checking to see if anything else is missing. Her wallet.

"Mia, her wallet!" I come running down the stairs. "She brought her wallet, I remember her showing pictures from it to Henry at breakfast. It's not anywhere."

She gives me a quick, sharp nod and re-dials the police station for the tenth time. "She took her wallet too. Her allowance was in it, about twenty dollars. And probably her library card, school ID and a folded up map of Maine." With a click, she shuts the phone. "Thank you Regina." She hugs me and tears threaten my eyes again. "I'm sorry if we lose her."

I push away. "How can you talk like that? She's your daughter too."

She shrugs. "It never felt like she was mine. She always talked and asked about you. You might have given her up Regina, but she never gave you up."

I nod, swallow the lump in my throat and go up to my room. Shutting the door, I keep all the lights off and simply lay down on my bed, softly crying, remembering Graham and me fourteen years ago. The night comes back like a flood. We went to dinner; I invited him into my apartment. The second I shut the door he practically pounced on me, kissing me, ripping my clothes off. I was swept up in the moment, started doing the exact same thing to him. We'd both been virgins, young and in love. When I told him I was pregnant, told him I was planning on getting an abortion, we'd fought. He said I couldn't do that, it was his baby too and he wanted to keep it. I told him that it'd ruin my life, ruin my plans. We agreed on adoption. I'd lied and said that I'd tell the nurses we wanted to keep it open. I didn't even tell them, just handed little Ivy to Mia when they let us leave the hospital. And I never saw her again. Until now.

Taking the picture out of my pocket, I unfold it and kiss little Ivy's head, as if that can protect fourteen-year-old Ivy. Suddenly, I wish Graham were still here. I wish that his heart didn't lie in the dust under my father's grave, but instead was still beating in his chest. It is the first regret I have ever felt.


	9. Chapter 9

No Matter How Much It Hurts

TheEvilQueen

Chapter Nine

They didn't think I could climb, dumb search parties. I have on my black ski cap, my dark hiking boots and my wallet tucked safely inside my black leather jacket. I blend in easily with the darkness, on the ground or in the trees. When they pass I scramble down, dunking deeper and deeper into the forest. I'll cut through to the highway, catch a ride with a trucker or something and ask for a ride to the bus station. With twenty dollars, I can get a ride to Augusta, get into my bank account and then get to New York City, where they _definitely _won't find me. I almost feel sorry for Regina, but the way she spoke, she didn't want me. And I'm _not _going back with Mia. So they'll have to understand that I've chosen the streets. Maybe I'll be a prostitute, a pickpocket or a drug dealer. When I save up enough money, I'll get a tattoo of a black heart, cracked halfway down with a skull in the middle, a small white skull that's crying bright red blood. A wolf comes around the corner and I pause. It has one blood red eye, the other black as night. It stares at me, then takes off running. There shouldn't be wolves anywhere near Storybrooke.

"Wait!" I run after it as it scampers through the woods, probably scared of a human. I suddenly remember how my father was the huntsman. Raised by wolves. His dearest friend was- I trip over a root and go sprawling on the ground, the wind knocked out of me. _That _is my father's friend, his guide, his clue to the Enchanted Forest. I shoot back on my feet and go after it, barely able to see its white-grey fur now that it's so far away. It stops at the base of a tree and howls up at the sky, even though there's no moon yet. "What is it?" I take one step towards it and it bolts again. I keep running after it- if it's a clue to part of me, I need to be near it. I trip over a rock and tumble head first into a tree trunk, blacking out with a hard thud on my head.

"Ivy?" The voice is small, gentle, almost sad.

"It's Anna." Someone snaps at the voice.

"Shut up Mia." A hand gently pats a cold cloth on my head, where the thumping pain is. "Honey, can you hear me?"

The most I can give is a groan. My head feels like someone smacked me with the butt of a rifle. I reach a hand up to it and feel a swelled part. Is that where I hit it? I try to open my eyes. Everything swims in a cloudy fog for a minute, then clears. Regina stands over me, smiling softly, the cold cloth in her hand. Mia is right behind her, looking over her shoulder at me, worried as heck. Figures.

"How did you-"

"Sh honey. You hit your head in the woods. Remember? The search parties found you knocked out cold, with your head bleeding. They brought you back home. You're safe now." She pats the hurting part of my head with the cold washcloth again. "You need to stay awake though, you have a horrible concussion."

I try to nod, but more pain shoots through the left side of my head. "Ow."

She laughs, but it sounds partially forced. "Just keep your head on the pillow. Do you want water?" She stands up.

"Yes." I try to nod my head and more pain; I grip the sides of my head. "Now _that _hurt."

She laughs again, just a little, forcing a smile. "Don't try to sit up or anything. Mia, watch her." It's a strict order.

She bends over me; the blonde curls brushing my cheek. "Are you okay sweetie? I was so worried. The note you left- I called the police immediately. I'm so glad that search party found you. The doctor said that if you'd fallen any harder you could've cracked your skull. And your ankle might be twisted. He wasn't sure."

I try to nod and more pain shoots through the left side of my head. "Ow."

She smiles. "It'll go away soon. Just don't go to sleep. Maybe just watch some TV, okay?" She takes the remote and flips through the channels. "Tell me when to stop."

"Mia, electronic screens are bad for you when you have a headache." Regina comes back, a glass of water in her hand, the cloth renewed. I smile gratefully when she puts it on my forehead. "Turn it off." It's a cold, hard order. She obeys. "How do you feel honey?" She gives me the glass and I start to gulp it down. "No, slower. If you're dehydrated drinking water too fast could give you a headache." I drink slower, savoring the pure, clean water.

"Thank you." I manage and put the half empty glass on the table near the couch. "Can I eat?" The last time I had anything to eat or drink was at breakfast-a waffle and a glass of orange juice. I glance at the clock and see it's been six hours since then.

She smiles sweetly. "Sure. What do you want?"

"A grilled cheese sandwich?" I venture, remembering that she shouldn't be this nice, this motherly, this sweet. Mia is still hovering behind her.

"Of course honey. Mia, you'd better go take down that missing sign." It's an order, though she hides it in a hard suggestion.

For a bit, it's completely silent and I'm tempted to go to sleep. The pain is rhythmic, going along with my heartbeat. I wonder what she thought when she read the note I left. I wonder if she was really, truly afraid that she'd lost me. Or if she thought I could survive on my own somewhere, on life threatening streets. Or if she was angry that I'd done something so stupid.

"Mom?" I call into the kitchen.

"Yes?"

"Were you- mad?"

She pauses; the only sound is her flipping the sandwich in a pan. "I was worried."

"Why?"

She pops her head in, leaning on the doorframe. "Drink some more water honey, you'll feel better." Then she dunks back inside.

I finish the glass and wait, hearing her in the kitchen, listening to myself breath. She was worried? Since she's the mayor it would look bad if a teenage girl got killed in her town. Is that why? Was she worried that this would confirm Henry's suspicions that she's an evil queen? Is she just saying that to make me think she loves me, even though she doesn't? She comes back in, the grilled cheese on a paper plate with a slice of watermelon.

"Want more water?" She takes the glass and puts the plate down in its place.

"Can I have Coke?"

"Sure." She goes back into the kitchen. Why would she have Coke? She seems like the type to order only water or juice, nothing with caffeine or fake flavors or anything. "Here." The glass has the bubbling dark liquid and she helps me sit up.

I grab the sandwich, but remind myself to eat slowly. It's perfectly toasted, the cheese warm and gooey in the middle. She sits in a chair opposite me, giving me a small smile as she watches me eat. I take a big bite of watermelon.

"We didn't think you could get so far into the woods. You'd only been gone for twenty minutes before we got the first search party out there. Emma would only send one at first. She thought you'd just skip straight to the highway to find a ride. But when no one had seen you come through town and the highway being at least an hour away, she agreed to search the woods." She sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose. "I'm so glad she did."

I swallow a mouthful of Coke, half the sandwich and most of the watermelon gone. "Why were you worried?"

She stands up quickly. "Do you want some strawberries? We got a fresh delivery two days ago." She hurries into the kitchen.

I sigh and lean back on the cushions, polishing off the watermelon and going for some more of the sandwich. She comes back out with a crystal bowl filled to the top with bright red, gorgeous strawberries. She puts the bowl in the middle of her glass table and takes one, eating it in two dainty bites.

"Why were you worried?" I repeat, reaching for one myself.

She pauses in her chewing, then swallows like it takes a lot of effort. She smoothes her dress over her knees and just stares at her hands in her lap.

"Mom, why-"

"I heard you the first time Ivy." She snaps, finally daring to look at me. "I was worried because I'm your mother. It's what mother's do. When there's the slightest possibility that your child could get hurt- or that they'll never see them again- they panic. They cry, they worry, they hope against all odds that their child will be okay and come back. And after five minutes, they start worrying even more than they won't see their beautiful little girl again. And after ten, they feel like they might as well die. And after twenty," Her voice falls to a whisper, "They start believing that they'll never see them again unless they're dead." She hops up from the chair. "I need to call Henry's school. I don't want him to worry if he found out." She leaves quickly and I pop another strawberry in my mouth.


	10. Chapter 10

No Matter How Much It Hurts

TheEvilQueen

Chapter Ten

I wake up at dawn, tears still in my eyes, everything below my hips sore. He is perched on a chair, watching me. "Good morning little raven." I stand quickly, clasping my cloak around me. "Your dress is right here." He holds it up in his grimy hand.

I hold my hand out for him to throw it to me, but he hops down and comes over, backing me against the wall, the dress hooked in his belt behind him. He kisses my neck- not once did he kiss my mouth -and starts trying to pull the cloak off. I clasp it harder, but he yanks it off and it falls to the floor in a gray heap. He shoves me against the wall, hard and unmerciful. I hear his pants drop to the floor and I clasp my hands around his neck, squeeze my eyes shut and wait for it to end.

"It's dawn." Her voice is cold, chilling and hard as stone. He looks away from me and I open my eyes. "Give her back." He presses his body against mine so I can barely breath, pinned against the wall. "Give her back!" She marches over to where we are and grabs him through the bars, throwing him off of me. I pull my cloak over me and he throws the dress roughly in my direction. I yank it over my head and tie the cloak around my shoulders. She reaches her hand in and yanks me back through the bars. "Go." She points around the corner.

For once, I don't obey. I wrap my arms around her waist and hold on tight, tears streaming down my face. "He hurt me." I say it like I am a simple child.

"Go darling." She gently untangles me from her and pushes me gently towards the corner. I flee. "Now Rumple, is it done? Are they safe from the Curse?"

"No." He hisses and I stick one eye around the corner. Neither notices me. "I wanted someone _willing_."

"No one would willingly sleep with you. I kept my side of the deal. You must keep yours." She takes a step towards the cage, reaching a hand slowly in for his throat.

"Never!" He grabs her by the wrist and pulls her upper body into his cage, kissing from her neck down to her breasts. She tries to wretch free, but he won't let go. He brings his face out of her cleavage. "_Love me_."

She pulls roughly away and gets out of the bars. "Never. I kept my side of the deal. You never included," She pauses, her voice getting quieter, "Me."

"Did you read every word?" He smiles slyly.

She nods. "You wanted my first born for a single night and to bring you further happiness you wanted to see me." She pauses, horror stricken. "That didn't mean I'd sleep with you!"

"But it did. _You _just didn't read in between the lines. Now oblige me or the Curse takes its effect on everyone."

She pauses, looks around the corner and sees half of my face. "Ivy, come here."

I run into her arms. She's crying as she looks down at my trembling form. "Ivy, do you want to be extracted from the Curse? I know you were listening."

I clutch her tighter. "I don't want you to do that. Not with him."

"I didn't ask you that." Her voice is firm. "No matter what the price, do you want to be extracted from the Curse?"

I bite my lip, a tear rolling down my cheek. "Yes." It's a barely audible whisper.

"I want you to go back to the palace and tell them I went to visit Maleficent and I'll be home by dusk. Only tell my father the truth."

My eyes widen. "You're not actually going to-"

"I have to Ivy. Now _go home_."

I flee, but for a minute I can still hear them.

"Come into my cage, my dark one. We can begin."

I shutter and make myself a raven, flying quickly home.


	11. Chapter 11

No Matter How Much It Hurts

TheEvilQueen

Chapter Eleven

"_I'm staying with Regina_!" I scream for the last time, slamming the door in Mia's face. True, I have only one suitcase and none of my books, CD's, DVD's or my laptop, but those don't matter. Mia can ship them. I'll buy more clothes here in town.

"Anna, honey-"

"It's Ivy."

She sighs outside the door. "Ivy, you can't just move in here. Have you even asked Regina?"

"She did and I told her she could. Mia, I'm her mother-"

"No, Regina, you're not. You gave her up fourteen years ago to me, told me to never come back and I kept my word that I wouldn't. Now I'm taking her back and things can settle down again."

"Mia, please. She's my daughter."

"No she's not. She's _my _daughter. _I _love her, _I'm _here for her and _you're _the reason she ran away. You don't _deserve_ her."

I fling open the door, jump past Mia and throw myself around Regina in a hug. She's startled for just a minute, then wraps her arms around me tight.

"_Please_." I hear her whisper to Mia. _"Please don't take her away from me_."

A hand curls around my arm. "She's my daughter Regina. She almost twisted her ankle and cracked her skull in three days here. I'm taking her home, where she can be safe."

"I'm safe _here_." I hold on to Regina tighter.

"_No_." Mia hisses. "_You're not_." She rips me off, tosses me into my room and orders, "_Pack_."

"You can't do this Mia! She wants to stay with me. She _loves _me. And I love her." I can hear her pleading, something I never imagined she'd do to Mia. Wasn't Maleficent the one who stepped back and let her have me in the Enchanted Forest? Of course! She remembered giving me up then and wasn't going to give me up now. "At least let her stay for the rest of this week."

"_No_, that's putting ideas in her head. We're leaving in the morning and that's _final _Regina."

"You know she'll keep coming back to me."

"Not if I move across the country."

"Mia!"

"I have a job offer in California. It seems like the ideal thing for this situation. Now please, let me start packing."

"You can't just take her away from me. She wants to stay. I never even gave you adoption rights. I can charge you for kidnapping."

I hear her pause, then open the closet and slam it shut. "You wouldn't do that."

"She's my _daughter_, of course I would."

"What will Henry think? He'll be able to see the difference between how you love her and how you love him. What will the town think? They'll think your some whore or something-"

The sound of a slap rings from Mia's room all the way to my door. "_You can't just take her away from me_."

I quietly open my door and peek my head around the corner. Mia's going down the stairs holding her stinging cheek, probably blinking back tears. Regina pauses when she sees me watching. "You hit her." I say it as simply as a five year old would.

"She's being ridiculous. I'm keeping you. You're my daughter. _Legally_." She comes over and hugs me to her chest. "Everything will be alright. If you want to stay, you'll stay."

I shake my head and wiggle out of her embrace. "Henry will see the difference. Everyone will think you're some whore who got yourself pregnant fourteen years ago with who knows who. I can't do that. I'd destroy your power, Henry, everything. I'll go home with Mia."

"But Ivy-"

I bite my lip, close my eyes to hold back the tears and say, "It's Anna."

It's a punch in the face. She stops, grips the doorway for balance and nods, swallowing tears. "Right, Anna." Then she runs to her room, one sniffle escaping before she slams the door.

I hate doing this to her. The heart she has here, if even here she can have one, is probably cracked in a hundred places over Graham and Henry. Now me, tossing her aside, punching her in the face. Shoving the fact that here she can love and be venerable down her throat. Mia comes back up the stairs and sees the shut door of Regina's room, me standing in the doorway of mine.

"What happened?"

"I told her I was staying with you."

She blinks, surprised. "Why?"

Can I say it's because I love her? I don't want to destroy everything she's built around herself. The love she's working so hard to gain from Henry. Even though I punched her in the face, it was out of love. Like in _Beauty and the Beast_, how the beast let her go. Because he loved her.

But Mia won't want to hear that. "Because I'm safer with you. But do we have to move to California? All my friends are in Augusta." That's a lie. I'm 'that weird Goth girl' with absolutely no friends. But she doesn't know that.

She smiles softly. "No, we'll stay in Augusta. Do you want to leave tomorrow or later in the week?"

I think of my crying mother, so close by. I could stay, convince her that this is for both of us. Tell her I'm leaving out of love. But even if she listened, even if she agreed, it would only hurt more when I said goodbye after staying longer, after being _hers _longer.

"Tomorrow."

"Then you'd better get packing."

I nod and force a small smile. "Yeah."


	12. Chapter 12

No Matter How Much It Hurts

TheEvilQueen

Chapter Twelve

I stay with him- that horrid Rumplestiltskin- till mid-afternoon. Hopefully Ivy is home, everyone believing me with Maleficent. They'll assume I went to talk to her about Ivy. I'm panting, reaching for my leather pants. "You've only paid for Ivy, my dark one." He says on top of me. "Stay till dusk for Maleficent."

"Didn't Ivy pay for herself?" He's heavier than he looks.

He outlines where my heart should be, but isn't. "No. She paid for half of herself. She wasn't willing." He throws his laugh through the air, letting it ring off the wet walls. "But _you_," He runs his hand down my stomach, over my hip, around my back. "_You _seem _very _willing."

I stay till dusk. After killing her pet and entrapping her in a chandelier, my soul feels like I have to stay, _need _to stay for her. She stayed by me throughout my pregnancy, agreed to take a baby I couldn't keep, allowed me to see my daughter once a year, and it was she who introduced me to my first lover, before even the Huntsman fourteen years ago. The minute the sky barely darkens, signaling dusk, I grip the wall and command him to stop.

"I've paid in full, it's dusk."

He growls, unhappy, but removes himself from me and goes to the dark corner, where there is a chair he can sit upon. I get dressed quickly and slip between the bars as easily as a feather. "Goodbye, my dark one. The Curse will take its affect on everyone except your darling daughter and heart filled friend. Don't forget the comfort I'll have in this new land."

I give him a sly, small smile, a brief nod and become a bat, flying home quickly. The minute Father and I are alone, he confronts me.

"How could you make Ivy sleep with that man? That's the cruelest, most heartless thing you could ever do to such a young girl. She's only fourteen years! Whatever possessed you to promise him that?" He grips my shoulders, makes me look at him, straight into his eyes. "You love her, deep in your heart I know-"

"I don't have a heart!" I throw him into the wall by the fireplace. "I ripped it out years ago, to prevent myself from _this_. I will do whatever I have to do, I will _kill _whoever I have to kill, for this Curse to function the exact way I want it to." I rip his heart out without any intention of keeping him alive and let him slump to the floor, wide eyed and gasping. "Including _you_."

That night, I fully enact the Curse. I stand right over Snow White and her dead Prince James and let the blackness swirl around us, shattering mirrors and breaking the floor. _Finally _I will have my revenge.


	13. Chapter 13

No Matter How Much It Hurts

TheEvilQueen

Chapter Thirteen

I leave the next morning, after breakfast. Regina fakes being asleep, but I go into her room anyways, the tears still sliding down her face. I lean over and kiss her gently on the cheek. "This was the for the best, you'll see. If you truly love something, you'll do what's best for it. Including saying goodbye."

Her eyes flicker open. "I'll never say goodbye to you Ivy. In the Enchanted Forest I didn't have a heart, but I do here. And I love you dearly. Which means you'll always be with me, always in my heart." She sits up and hugs me and I hug her back, the tears leaking out now. "Promise you'll come back, when you're eighteen, when you can without Mia's consent."

I shake my head as we come out of the embrace. "That would destroy Henry. And your power. I can never come back alive"

"What-"

I hug her again, quickly, and go to the doorway. "Just remember that I love you and I'll be with you for forever."

I dunk out the door, go to the car, tell Mia that I'm ready to go. When she asks if I ever want to visit, I say no. I cast one last look at the beautiful white house as it shrinks into the distance, then completely disappears. I hope she'll understand. I hope she'll be able to let me go. Because when you love something, you'll say goodbye to it for forever. You'll let it go. _No matter how much it hurts_.

Only 1 more chapter guys! If you're reading and not reviewing, please at least review at the very end. I want to know what you think of the story as a whole.


	14. Chapter 14

No Matter How Much It Hurts

TheEvilQueen

Chapter Fourteen

She didn't tell me what she meant by forever. I thought it meant she'd stay with Mia, in Augusta and move to a big university when she turned eighteen. I thought it meant she wouldn't visit, but maybe email me when she got married and again when she had her first baby. I daydreamed a little that in the future, her first baby girl would be named Regina. I pretended that her leaving meant nothing and got right back to work on trying to make Henry love me and trying to keep that Emma Swan away from him.

I got an email from Mia a year later, asking if Anna was with me. I told her she wasn't.

A week later I got another email, demanding that I send Anna home. I told her she'd never come to me and didn't get a response.

Another week passed and I got another email. They'd traced Anna to a flower shop one town over from Storybrooke. Mia said that if I didn't send Anna home, she'd threaten me with kidnapping charges. She'd filed for custody. I'd let her, after all, Anna had said she'd never come back. I told her for the third time that Anna had never come to Storybrooke. I hadn't seen her since she left the previous year.

I should've known. I should've asked Henry what happened to the evil princess in his book. I should've called Anna's cell phone. She would've picked up when she saw my number.

Mia came and learned the truth- that Anna had never been here. Like any worried mother, she ordered search parties.

I was in the search party that found her.

She was in the woods, no makeup, no shoes, perfect black curls around her face. She was in a sapphire blue dress with a black pearl and sapphire ring on her finger. In her hands was a beautiful bouquet of a dozen red roses. Her eyes were closed. In the distance I saw a wolf, one red eye and one black, silently guarding her or silently grieving.

I fell to my knees, grabbing her shoulders, trying to shake her awake. Nothing happened. I started screaming her name, not Anna, but her real one, Ivy. The tears were streaming down my cheeks. Behind me, the citizens must've been scared to see me cry.

"This can't be what you meant by forever. It _can't _be. Wake up. Please, wake up." I became hysterical and started sobbing, "_Ivy, you've got to wake up_."

Someone put a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Do you want us to call the hospital?"

I shook my head and tried to control my tears, but not even a dam could've. Two people gently pried me off of her. They put her in a body bag and carried her off. I sobbed and someone asked me why she meant so much to me.

"She was my daughter." I realize that it's Emma asking, one eyebrow cocked, but I don't care. "She told me that coming back alive would ruin me and Henry. I thought that meant she'd never come back. I didn't realize . . ." Mia has pried her way to the front of the crowd of search parties and takes me into her arms.

"I'm sorry." She isn't crying. _How can she not be crying?_ "I'm so sorry."

"How can you not be crying?" I'm barely able to ask. On her face are some tears and her eyes appear shiny with sadness, but she's not sobbing, not overwhelmed by loss. "Didn't she mean anything to you?"

"Regina, she was in therapy for trying to cut her wrist a month after we left you." She blinks and more tears fall out. "She was part of me. But I knew what she meant by forever."

She's buried next to her grandfather. Her tombstone reads: _Ivy Anna Mills May 26, 1997- April 26, 2012 A Beautiful Daughter_. They finally told us that she'd purposefully overdosed on a medicine I'd never heard the name of before. Like she wanted, I bring a dozen red roses to her grave on April 26 and then a month later. Mia asked if her heart could be kept in the wall of a cemetery near Augusta, where most people store urns. She was Ivy's mother too. I agreed.

Every Wednesday, after putting the white lilies on Daddy's casket, I stand over hers. I tell her how Emma is still here or about the latest fight with Henry. I tell her how I kept the room she stayed in the exact same way she left it.

On May 26, 2014, when she would've been eighteen, I find a box in the mail, addressed from her. Inside is a letter explaining that she left the box with Ruby here in town. Inside the box is a weathered piece of paper, written in horribly old ink.

_How could Mother have done that to me? I know I ran away from love, from that idiot Maleficent and I knew Mother didn't have a heart, but I never imagined that she would do such a horrid thing to me. I was completely unwilling. He had to rape me and it made him so angry. She obviously didn't notice the bruises covering everything but my face. The deep hatred inside me says that I should tell everyone what she's doing or lie and say that she's sleeping with Rumplestiltskin for pleasure. But even an evil princess without a heart couldn't bring herself to be so cruel. Yet I will never live through what she forced me to do. True, she loved me enough to extract me from the Curse, but I can't stay here. I plague her, I know it. I have tortured her enough. She deserves the love of being a friend with Maleficent. She deserves not worrying that someone will find out and accuse her of being a whore. She deserves the closest thing to happiness she can get, which means something without me. I truly believe that if you love something, you'll let it go for forever. Everyone has different versions of forever though. This is mine. _

At the bottom is a cracked line of brown. A line of blood. She cut her wrist. She committed suicide in the Enchanted Forest too. But in both worlds, she left me because of love.

The tears flow out of my eyes as I whisper her trademark version of true love, "_If you love something, you'll let it go for forever_."

And so I fold the letter up and tuck it in my nightstand drawer. I don't even look at her grave unless it's May 26 or April 26. I don't talk to her, I stop dreaming about her and I don't write Mia back when she asks about uniting every year on her death day. I erase her from my memory completely. I let her go.

Because that's what you do when you love someone.

You let them go.

_No matter how much it hurts_.

Okay guys, this is it. The end. The last chapter. If you haven't reviewed, at least review now, as I can know if its good or not. I forgot the disclaimer at the begining of this, so here it is now. I do not own Once Upon A Time and all the scenes in this are purely fictional and though I would like them to appear on the show one day, I doubt they ever will. Ivy/Anna Mills is the product of my own imagination and her story is also completely mine. I hope you've enjoyed getting to know her and like any good writer, I hope I've at least made you sad at her death. There was no other way to end it. This is my first completely work on here and I hope you guys all enjoyed it. I hope you'll read more of my works in the future as well.

Never forget to write from the heart.


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